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Rachel Haywire Interview: Extreme Futurist Festival 2012

Posted: Fri, December 07, 2012 | By: Rachel Haywire

Rachel Haywire is producing her second annual Extreme Futurist Festival in Los Angeles, on December 21st. Here’s our interview with her:

Question: Rachel, would you be happy or angry if the Mayan Apocalypse showed up and upstaged your event?

Rachel: I would be angry because that would be too much competition. One apocalypse at a time! After XFF the Mayan Apocalypse can happen but we want to do it first. 

Vortex Domes
Vortex Domes

Question: have you seen that Mel Gibson Mayan film Apocalypto? 

Rachel: Only saw the cool violent parts. 

Question: How did you find those Vortex Domes, where you’re having XFF? Will you turn them into nipples? 

Rachel: I support domes, nipple augmentations, sex robots, evolution, and Mutant power. 

Question: If Mark Pauline’s machines in SRL run amok and kill Aubrey de Grey, do you have Alcor there to deep-freeze him?

Rachel: Alcor is encouraged to attend XFF. You’re right, the SRL machines are quite dangerous, but Aubrey is immortal.

Question: Can you send me the speaker list? Who do you think will talk too much, and will you have robots there to pull them offstage?

Rachel: I am still finalizing the schedule. I will probably talk too much because I am, myself, a loquacious robot.

Question: In the future, will robots invent all the best new dance moves?

Rachel: Absolutely not. That is idiotic, techno-utopian nonsense. Ask me a serious question.

Rachel Haywire
Rachel Haywire

Question: Its a shame there won’t be any drugs at the event, right?

Rachel: Do you work for the police? You are being watched by Anonymous.

Question: Do you think people will get bored watching all the public sex at XFF?

Rachel: Yes, that’s what XFF is all about. We are indeed bored watching all the public sex and we want to deliver a manifesto on this.

Question: Will Burning Man steampunks be depressed if the future is shiny positive and they have to buy clean clothes?

Rachel: Who cares? Do people actually think about these things? I would rather watch anime dystopia with tyrannical dialogue.

Question: Will there be Bio-Conservatives thrown into a pit for SRL robots to slay?  

Rachel: I can neither confirm nor deny this.

Question: Max More is very hunky. Is he helping out as a bouncer?

Rachel: I heard that his muscles were the hot new thing now. He is not a bouncer but maybe he likes to bounce sometimes. Know what I mean? 

Question: I don’t know what you mean. But - I want my brain chemically-preserved. Do I have to wait until I am dead? Will this important question be addressed at your Festival?

Survival Research Laboratories robot
Survival Research Laboratories robot

Rachel: You need talk to Randal Koene about that.

Question: I believe there won’t be any music in the future. What’s your opinion? I think it will just be algorithms. Aren’t I smart?

Rachel: There will always be music because life without music is life without passion. If music is dead then we are dead inside.

Question: Transhumanists will be recruited at this event, right? What does the baptismal ceremony entail?

Rachel: Secret cult rituals. They have to think they are indigo children just to advance as transhumanist warriors. Media allegations of mind control have gotten out of hand.

Question: I want to see an Interpretive Dance performance of Grey Goo enveloping the Earth. Please. 

Rachel: I personally will tell my crew at XFF that this needs to happen. Without that, we are all in peril.


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